Cheating leaves student struggling to find answers HELP ME, HARLAN!

Harlan Cohen

harlan_mug_c-copy-271x300Dear Harlan, 

Im a freshman in college. I have made a grievous mistake that I am struggling to move past not only because of how this affected my grade, but more importantly, the hit that my own integrity has taken. I cheated on my statistics midterm. I wrote down formulas on my hand before the test, and while I studied the whole day using the formulas written on my hand, I forgot to wash it off before the test. I succumbed to looking at my hand during the test, and my teacher caught me. I received a zero on the midterm, and a report has been made to my colleges academic dean. Since it is my first (and only) offense, this will not result in my failing the class or my expulsion, but it is in my academic record (but not my transcript). I have been overwhelmed with guilt for days, wondering why I did something like this. When I was in high school, I despised cheaters, but I have now become one. I dont know how to go on living with my actions. Any advice you could offer me would be valuable, because Im not sure I trust my own judgment anymore.

Morally Stranded

 

Dear Morally Stranded,

Welcome to the club — The Imperfectionist Club. I’m one, too. I cheated on a Spanish test in high school. I never got caught, but I was riddled with guilt. I never cheated again. Imperfectionists make mistakes. We don’t beat ourselves up. We find answers. We change. We always believe in ourselves. You made a mistake. It’s part of learning. Find answers, change your behavior and move forward. One answer for the cheating might be stress. Stress can cause people to panic and act out. More than 54 percent of college students report feeling overwhelming anxiety throughout the past 12 months (according to ACHA-NCHA data). Different people cope with stress in different ways. It can lead to behaviors you don’t recognize. Instead of beating yourself up or making excuses, learn new ways to address the stress. Learning can include finding professional help, being more patient, being more forgiving of yourself, changing your attitude, getting extra help from tutors, being more active, getting involved and going home for a quick reboot. When you can’t recognize yourself, getting back to your roots can help. When you’re home for Thanksgiving, reach out to a teacher you respect and hang out with friends who can help you relax. You made a mistake. Learn from it, and move on.

 

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Dear Harlan, 

My boyfriend of three weeks said he loves me, but Im not in the same place. I didnt say I loved him, too. Ive been hurt in the past and want to wait. I could tell he wanted me to say it. What should I do? Im afraid he will leave. 

Not In Love

 

Dear Not In Love,

Kiss him after he tells you he loves you. Make it a great kiss. Then tell him that you love that he has such strong feelings for you. Explain that you move slowly and absolutely love spending time with him. Tell him that you just like to express yourself differently because you’ve been hurt in the past. Then kiss him again. If he’s telling you he loves you because he wants to feel secure and affirmed, an honest explanation and a kiss will tell him everything he needs to know. If that doesn’t work, it’s just not going to work.

 

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Harlan is author of Getting Naked: Five Steps to Finding the Love of Your Life (While Fully Clothed and Totally Sober) (St. Martins Press). Write Harlan at harlan(at)helpmeharlan.com or visit online: www.helpmeharlan.com. All letters submitted become property of the author. Send paper to Help Me, Harlan!, 3501 N. Southport Ave., Suite 226, Chicago, IL 60657.

© Harlan Cohen 2016

Distributed by King Features Syndicate Inc.