Harlan Cohen

Dear Harlan,

Your response to Sandy from Minnesota, who responded to a previous article about fat-shaming, was out of line. Sandy was not fat-shaming; she told it like it is. Obesity has become a taboo subject that nobody wants to talk about. And if you do, you yourself are shamed for having the nerve to mention it. It’s as if we don’t care about the health of these people, even though many of them are our family members. We’re accused of shaming them just because we don’t like the way they look. It’s hurtful because I am very close to this issue, as my 8-year-old granddaughter is obese. I have tried to talk to her parents about my concern for her physical as well as her emotional well-being, but they also are overweight, so I worry about them, too. I notice that the servings they feed their children are too large, and they don’t get enough exercise. But my daughter-in-law and son have told me that my granddaughter’s weight is none of my business. I am considered a busybody when I simply care about her health. My only recourse is to provide her with the healthiest diet possible when she stays with us on the weekends. I have two days out of the week where I try to turn this trend around. I would like to see this country face this problem directly and without shaming others. We must stop sweeping this issue under the rug. I don’t care how obese people look; I just care about the health of my granddaughter. It is not fat-shaming to tell someone that obesity is not OK because it is unhealthy.

Concerned Grandma

Dear Concerned Grandma,

I received a ton of mail about Sandy from Minnesota. What got lost is the meaning of the original letter. The person writing to me loves bigger women. His family doesn’t. Sandy felt like the reader should tell his girlfriend to lose weight. I didn’t. People who are fat know they are fat. I knew when I was fat. My pants told me. Watching people you love struggle with weight can be painful. Being overweight contributes to a long list of disease and health issues. But telling people they’re fat or blaming them doesn’t fix the problem. It just makes them avoid you, feel ashamed and eat more. You expressed yourself to your son. He heard you. Your granddaughter knows that she is overweight. Let their doctor speak to the medical issues. Love your granddaughter, model healthy behavior and be there for her if she needs you. Make health and fitness a central part of your life. Show her; don’t tell her. Let her be like Grandma.

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Dear Harlan,

My roommate changes her feminine products in our room and doesn’t throw them away in the bathroom. The room smell’s gross, and I don’t know how to tell her to stop.

Overly Disgusted

Dear Overly Disgusted,

Your roommate wins the grossest roommate award. The products might belong to her, a visitor, or perhaps it’s a bad Halloween prank. No matter what the cause, this can never happen again. Talk about it now; don’t avoid the topic. This will continue to happen if you don’t discuss it. Mention that something uncomfortable happened. Ask her if a friend was over, and mention that someone left something in the bedroom. You also could tell her you found a used feminine product and threw it away. Give her a chance to deny it — that’s what a good roommate does. Then you can only hope it stops.

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Harlan is author of “Getting Naked: Five Steps to Finding the Love of Your Life (While Fully Clothed and Totally Sober)” (St. Martin’s Press). Write Harlan at Harlan@helpmeharlan.com or visit online: www.helpmeharlan.com. All letters submitted become property of the author. Send paper to Help Me, Harlan!, 2720 Dundee Road, Suite 226, Northbrook, IL 60062.

© Harlan Cohen 2017
Distributed by King Features Syndicate Inc.

–HELP ME, HARLAN!: Fat-shaming letter prompts lots of responses–