HELP ME, HARLAN! Single, attractive woman who needs nothing should change dating approach

Harlan Choen

Dear Harlan, 

I have a job I love, a close group of friends, my own home and a life that makes me happy. Im 35 and great at being single – my friends say Im too good at it. Id like to share my life with someone, but I hate wasting time on liars. Im tired of being disappointed. I want a man who is independent, self-assured and interested in a woman who isnt needy. Ive tried getting set up, online dating and using dating apps. Does everyone lie? Ive reached a point of exhaustion. I will be the first to admit that I have a bad attitude. Im 35, in great shape and cant find a man who can handle my success. Any advice? 

Exhausted

 

Dear Exhausted,

It’s too easy (and more fun) to blame losers, liars and dating apps. Yes, some men lie. Yes, some men can’t handle your awesome success and confidence. Yes, some men have disappointed and hurt you. But you can’t control men. You can only control how you view, meet and engage with men. Start by believing there are good men out there. I know you don’t believe it, but that’s just an excuse. You might be so insulated and comfortable that you don’t want to believe it, because that might mean getting hurt. Take a break. Refresh. Renew. Commit to change. Change where you sweat, play, pray, live, learn, lead, love and work. Change the people in your corner. Find friends in new places. Make this year a NEW year of new people, new places and a new attitude. Then see what happens.

***

Dear Harlan, 

My son is returning to college this semester. He had a rough first semester – bad roommates, his high-school girlfriend broke up with him, the works. He is not himself. We have suggested that he go back to school and see how it feels. He is just as miserable as before. We want him to finish the semester, but he wants to come home. We dont want him to give up, but there is part of me that worries about him being too far away without a group of friends. What should we consider before allowing him to stop and come back home? He doesnt want to be there. 

Worried

 

Dear Worried,

Let him come home. If your son doesn’t want to be at school and you’re unsure if he is able to cope, it’s time to come home. He needs his people and he needs his places. He doesn’t have them at school. He needs to find them at home. Don’t look at this as giving up; this is a life experience that will lead him to answers. The truth is that a quarter of first-year students transfer, two thirds are lonely and homesick, and a third of college students are so depressed that it’s hard to get their work done (stats via Higher Education Research Institute and The American College Health Association National College Health Assessment). If he doesn’t want to be there, ask him to come up with a plan. A plan is what will happen over the next year. He might need a long break to keep him from breaking.

***

Harlan is author of Getting Naked: Five Steps to Finding the Love of Your Life (While Fully Clothed and Totally Sober) (St. Martins Press). Write Harlan at harlan(at)helpmeharlan.com or visit online: www.helpmeharlan.com. All letters submitted become property of the author. Send paper to Help Me, Harlan!, 3501 N. Southport Ave., Suite 226, Chicago, IL 60657.

 

© Harlan Cohen 2017

Distributed by King Features Syndicate Inc.