Author tells of the trauma, heartbreak as undocumented immigrant from Mexico

Elise Zwicky for Chronicle Media

Author Reyna Grande reads a passage from her memoir, “The Distance Between Us,” at the Peoria Public Library recently. Grande discussed her life before and after following her father across the border at the age of 9 to become an undocumented immigrant. (Photo by Elise Zwicky / for Chronicle Media)

Author Reyna Grande put a face on the hot-button issue of immigration recently for a small audience at the Peoria Public Library’s North Branch.

“Immigration takes a toll on parents and children,” said the Mexico native who crossed the border illegally with her family as a child. “Even to this day, I’m trying to deal with the trauma and heartbreak. It’s taken me three books to understand, and I’m writing my fourth book (on the issue) now.”

Grande spoke primarily about her book, “The Distance Between Us,” a coming-of-age memoir about her life before and after immigrating. The author remembers being left behind in Mexico at 2 years old when her father crossed the border to California. Her mother left for the same reason two years later, and Grande followed as an undocumented immigrant at age 9.

“I had been daydreaming and fantasizing about the day I would be reunited with my father and life would be wonderful once I got to America, but it didn’t happen that way,” Grande said.

The award-winning novelist and memoirist published two novels

at deal with immigration themes before writing “The Distance Between Us,” which also has a young readers edition.

“I tried to write this (memoir) at age 22, but it was difficult because it causes you to live everything twice, and it was hard enough to live through it all the first time,” Grande said. “So I wrote a novel instead with the same theme of broken families and immigration.”

Grande later spent four years writing the memoir. Her father, who had become an abusive alcoholic by the time she immigrated, died of liver cancer before it was finished.

“When my father came to the United States, a lot of Mexicans were leaving because the economy was so bad,” Grande said. “My father was a bricklayer, and he wanted to be able to build us a house in Mexico. He came here thinking he’d only be in the United States for a few years and then would go back home and build us a house.”

Being too young to understand why her parents left, Grande said she blamed herself for their decision.

“My sister and brother and I were left wondering if our parents would come back, if they would forget about us or if they would replace us with children born here,” said Grande, who was left in the care of her grandmother. “As the years went by, you could see the distance being created. Not just physical distance but also emotional distance.”

Eventually, her father came back to Mexico and built the dream house, but by then her parents had divorced, and he had remarried.

“The (Mexican) economy had gone from bad to worse so he couldn’t stay and we never lived in this house that he built us,” she said. “In trying to build us a house, my father destroyed our home.”

Grande’s father hired a smuggler and, after three tries, he and the children successfully ran across the border and ended up in Los Angeles.

After coming to the United States, Grande encountered language barriers and culture shock. Her fifth grade teacher kept her isolated in a corner all year, working with an aide, which filled her with shame.

“I ended up in class with kids who looked exactly like me, but they all spoke a language I couldn’t speak and they were cruel to immigrant children who didn’t speak English,” she recalled.

While immigration had turned her family into “complete strangers,” Grande said the thing she loved most about her father was that he pushed her to do well in school and taught her to dream big for the future.

After many difficult years the family eventually became U.S. citizens through President Ronald Reagan’s amnesty bill that set conditions for eligible illegal immigrants to become legal residents. Grande became the first in her family to graduate college and is now a college-level creative writing teacher and a motivational speaker.

“I never forgot where I came from or my family that stayed behind and the fact they still live in the same poverty—and worse—than I left behind,” Grande said. She visits Mexico often, taking her husband and children when she can, and helps her Mexican cousins financially.

In response to a question by a woman in the audience about why illegal immigrants don’t apply for citizenship, Grande said, “Nobody wants to be undocumented, but it’s extremely difficult and costly to become a legal resident of the United States. Back in their countries, a lot of people don’t even qualify for a visa. Illegal immigration always comes down to being forced into it by poverty or violence and not having another choice.”

She suggested the way to deal with illegal immigration is to increase legal migration quotas and make the process easier so people can come here legally.

“The other thing that would solve the epic proportions of migration we’re seeing is to look at what’s going on in the world and the factors that are causing it. There are 244 million people living outside their countries of origin due to violence, economic instability, political instability, and even climate change that causes droughts, floods and famine. All of these things are pushing people out of their homes,” Grande said.

Asked how the average person can help, Grande suggested speaking up for immigrants through community organizations that advocate for them, such as the ACLU and United We Dream. She also recommended looking into the Unitarian Universalist College of Social Justice’s Border Delegation program that brings people face-to-face with those directly impacted by the issue.

An audience member also told the crowd about a local grassroots Facebook group called “Peoria No Ban No Wall” that advocates for immigrant and refugee rights.

“It’s good for immigrants to feel they’re welcome in the community,” Grande said.

–Author tells of the trauma, heartbreak as undocumented immigrant from Mexico–