Harlan Cohen

Dear Harlan,

I hate my boss — she is unbearable. I dread going to work. She is verbally and emotionally abusive. I can’t quit, because quitting would mean a big salary drop. Things were bad for a year, but now they’re getting worse. I was hoping she would get fired or leave. I can’t go into details because I’m too paranoid she will find out. My boss’s boss is just as bad. The entire organization is a mess. I know you will tell me to quit, but I can’t deal with the uncertainty of not having an income; I have too many responsibilities. I feel like I’m living in a bad movie. What do you suggest other than quitting? I’m out of answers.

Boss From Hell

Dear Boss From Hell,

Yes, she’s a monster — I get it. You must shift your way of thinking; use the energy you’re putting into hating your boss to solve your problem. Here’s a strategy: Pretend you’re getting fired in three months. Come up with a plan. Define what you want. Find people who can help you. Reach out to a headhunter who places people in jobs. Find a career coach. Seek out a mentor. Make a plan. When three months comes around, “fire” yourself. Start fresh. In the meantime, make this job bearable. On top of going to human resources, play games with yourself. One idea: Play a game of dysfunctional boss bingo. Create a virtual bingo card with your boss’s worst attributes (you don’t want her to find it). Mark a box every time she exhibits one of the behaviors on your game card. Buy yourself a massage every time you get a “bingo.” Once you have a plan in place, she will matter less and less. In a few years, you’ll think of her as the best boss, because she forced you to choose a different life for yourself.

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Dear Harlan,

My ex-boyfriend’s mom and I are close friends. She is like a second mom to me. She was there for me when I needed help during my senior year of high school. She continues to call me, text me and be a part my life. We even have lunch once in a while. For some reason, my current boyfriend is threatened by this relationship. He has mentioned many times how he doesn’t like that I’m closer with my ex’s mom than his mom. He scoffs whenever I bring her up. We have been together for six months, and it’s getting more serious. This issue has been our biggest struggle. It’s gotten to the point that I hide the relationship and don’t mention it to him. It upsets me that he is so non-accepting. Am I wrong? Would you have a problem with this?

Ex-Problems

Dear Ex-Problems,

This woman is a saint. She’s been your rock. If not for her love and support, you would not be with your current boyfriend – this is where you can start. She is not a threat, but an asset. Instead of hiding her from your boyfriend, acknowledge that you understand why this might be uncomfortable for him. This is not a typical friendship, and yes, it may seem threatening. Ask him what he finds threatening about it. Explain to him how this relationship makes you stronger and better. Help him understand that your ex (her son) is no longer in your life because you realized what you need. Make it clear that you would love a relationship with his mom, too. Remove the threat of the ex. Help him see that she makes you stronger and better — and that’s better for him.

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Harlan is author of “Getting Naked: Five Steps to Finding the Love of Your Life (While Fully Clothed and Totally Sober)” (St. Martin’s Press). Write Harlan at harlan@helpmeharlan.com or visit online: www.helpmeharlan.com. All letters submitted become property of the author. Send paper to Help Me, Harlan!, 2720 Dundee Road, Suite 226, Northbrook, IL 60062.

© Harlan Cohen 2017
Distributed by King Features Syndicate Inc.

—HELP ME, HARLAN!: Boss is the devil, but employee can’t quit–