by Loren Logsdon

Genuine friendship is counted by most people as one of life’s greatest blessings. Friendships among fishermen provide some of the best opportunities for male bonding one can find, best because they are based on genuine interest and often times spark a fascinating comradeship. Four men in Weeder’s Clump enjoy such a relationship: Dr. Wanton Slaughter, the town’s beloved physician; Boone Fowler, handyman and self-appointed rustic philosopher; Lancaster Markem, professor at Heliotrope University; and Tug Armstrong, the expert mechanic at Poindexter’s Garage who is fondly known as “The Brown-Eyed Nut-Twister.” Tug owns a cabin located where Chinquapin Creek empties into the Big Sleazy River.

Tug is not to be confused with Bartholomew “Lugnuts” Wheeler, who drives a dump truck for the Limestone Cowboy Sand and Gravel Company.

During the spring, summer, and into the fall, these four friends spend at least one Saturday and Sunday each month at Tug’s cabin. They enjoy playing cards, telling tall tales, and loafing with impunity; but their main activity is fishing. These friends are as dedicated to fishing as some people are to church. Indeed, one might say that fishing is a backup religion for them.

Early in their friendship they developed a contest to determine who was the best fisherman for a specific weekend. Why? Pride of manhood, I guess. A man thing, to be sure. They established the following criteria: 1) First fish; 2) Number of fish (total for the weekend); 3) Biggest fish; 4) Smallest fish; 5) Variety; 6) Most unusual catch—determined by a vote of three, with the person claiming the most unusual award abstaining from the voting.

Each of the above categories is given one point, and the man with the highest total is acclaimed best fisherman. Records are kept, and at the end of the fishing season the friend with the highest cumulative total is presented a new DeKalb seed cap and given the title “Champion Fisherman of the Year” at a ceremony at Mom’s Family Restaurant.

The category that draws the most competition is number 6—the most unusual catch. The friends agree that true distinction is earned by catching something outside the normal range. Thus while the other categories are important in terms of points, each man tries hardest for the most unusual catch.

One weekend the friends were fishing late at night, and Tug hooked what he thought was a big fish. It fought so hard he thought it must be a giant catfish. When he pulled the catch out of the water and it began to writhe and squirm around, he panicked because he thought it was a snake. He threw his pole down and ran away in fear. His friends called him back, telling him that it was only a river eel. Still, Tug cut his line and used a long willow stick to shove the eel back into the river. He wasn’t taking any chances.

Boone Fowler once rigged his line with two hooks. He won the most unusual catch when he caught two fish at the same time—one a carp and the other a catfish. Wanton Slaughter, however, outdid that.

Wanton was using Wheaties to fish for carp and he noticed a fish was pecking at his bait and not biting vigorously as carp are known to do. Every once in a while the fish would nibble. Wanton got tired of that and gave his pole a mighty jerk. His timing was perfect and he hooked a large fish. When he landed it, he discovered that he had hooked it in the tail.

One day Lancaster Markem noticed what he thought was a fishing rod sticking up out in the river, too far in the river to wade out and investigate. He tried several casts to snag it, but was unable to do so. Finally the waves from a passing towboat revealed that what looked like a fishing rod was actually the radio antenna of a car submerged in the river. Authorities discovered that it contained the body of a drug pusher who had been missing for three weeks. He had been shot six times and his car shoved into the Big Sleazy. Markem wanted to claim that as an unusual catch, but he was denied because he had not actually hooked the automobile. The letter of the law prevailed. Some verdicts cannot be appealed.

The most unusual catch of all time went to Wanton Slaughter. One cold,  gloomy day when the fish were not biting, Wanton, in desperation, attached a wad of bubblegum to his hook. He did not notice any bites, but when he pulled in his line, there was a crawdad clinging to the gum. And best of all, THE CRAWDAD HAD ONLY ONE CLAW.

Dr.  Logsdon is the much-loved English professor who has inspired students at Western Illinois University and Eureka College for many years. He lives in Eureka with his wife, Mary, and writes a weekly story for the Woodford County News Bulletin.