by Loren Logsdon

Mark Twain expressed a profound truth in “The Adventures of Huckleberry Finn” when Huck observes that everybody has to be comfortable on a raft.  That truth was endorsed as the motto by the four friends who formed The Big Sleazy River Fishing Club, with headquarters at Tug Armstrong’s cabin on the bank of the Big Sleazy. These friends meet once a month to spend a weekend fishing, playing cards, telling ghost stories, loafing to their heart’s content, and communing with God’s wondrous creation which unfolds before us each day, not to mention enjoying the soothing experience of being lulled to restful sleep by the wind rustling through the leaves of the huge cottonwood beside the cabin. That music is the perfect lullaby for any weary fisherman.

At the very outset, the friends made certain rules which all agreed to enthusiastically. The most important goal was to keep things simple and avoid unnecessary complications. People cause trouble when they complicate things by insisting on their own way. Henry David Thoreau’s imperative to “Simplify, Simplify, Simplify” was the guiding principle for the club.

Because the cabin had no electricity, some of the rules were easy to follow. First, no one except for Wanton Slaughter was allowed to bring a cellphone to the cabin. An exception was made for Dr. Slaughter because he might be needed for a medical emergency back in Weeder’s Clump.

Second, no one was allowed to bring a portable battery-operated radio. The idea was to get away from the noise and, especially, the ubiquitous advertising that is so intrusive in our culture. Everyone could relax knowing that “Save big money at Menards” would not be heard for an entire weekend. Tech evangelism was two miles away. Oh, the joy of peace and quiet! The basic idea was to live the simple life for a few precious hours. Rousseau was right in asserting that human beings were happier living a simple existence; unfortunately the human race had not respected that truth. Modern humans are trapped in a centrifuge of frenzied activity and absurd partying

Next came rules governing card playing. If comfort is the desired goal, then conflict must be kept at a minimum. One must especially avoid the kind of conflict that leads to hard feelings and anger. Consequently, there would be absolutely no betting in the card games, not even small bets. In addition, board-whacking was prohibited. As Stephen Crane once wrote, “A game with a board-whacker is sure to become intense.” If someone forgot and whacked the board, he was shamed and given extra work details.

Cooking and household chores would be shared and performed on a rotating basis. For example, each man would be in charge of purchasing the food and doing the cooking once every four meetings. The same with setting the table and washing dishes. Thus each man would have two weekends in which he was free of work. He could, as Washington Irving said of the elderly Rip Van Winkle after he returned from his twenty-year absence, “loaf with impunity.”

One sacred rule not to be broken under any circumstances is that all of the men had to participate in cleaning the fish. There was to be no division of labor here. Be gone Adam Smith! Close the door on your way out, Frederick Taylor! Sayanora, Bill Gates! The shared duty of cleaning fish creates a general good will while solving the problem of responsibility because the catch of fish could vary greatly from weekend to weekend.

Every effort was made to ensure that an enjoyable time was had by all. Boone Fowler could wear his shabby DeKalb seed cap all day and night, even during prayer at table if he so desired. Lancaster Markem could sing Elizabethan bawdy songs at the top of his voice and no one would complain. Tug Armstrong could belch as often and loud as he needed to without having to beg someone’s pardon. Wanton Slaughter could do his imitations of John Wayne, Walter Brennan, Richard Widmark, and Marlon Brando to his heart’s content  without a judgmental voice exclaiming, “No, not again.”

Indeed, the little vices, peccadilloes, habits, and quirks that a healthy male often suppresses in polite company were encouraged and even appreciated at Tug’s cabin. Yes, everybody on a raft should be comfortable, and to reaffirm this code ethic Lancaster Markem hung a portrait of the club’s patron saint Ernest Hemingway above the fireplace. Hemingway was one of the world’s most famous fishermen, and a copy of “The Old Man and the Sea” was always available for perusal at the cabin. Alongside the picture, in bold print, was a simple but cogent line from “The Soul of Spain,” Hemingway’s little-known poem: “Home is Where the Fart Is.”

Dr.  Logsdon is the much-loved English professor who has inspired students at Western Illinois University and Eureka College for many years. He lives in Eureka with his wife, Mary, and writes a weekly story for the Woodford County News Bulletin.