It seems to me that the most imaginative and creative people in American TV today are those who create the commercials. Most of the commercials are more entertaining than the programs they sponsor. The last program I watched regularly was “Barney Miller,” a brilliant comedy show that deserves another column. I realize that “Cheers” was a huge success, but it didn’t appeal to me, perhaps because the show seemed completely unrealistic. On the other hand, “The Waltons” seemed too sentimental. And I never cared for the crime shows because they were too violent. The news was too depressing. Talk shows put me to sleep. That left the commercials. 

Actually, television advertising is more complex than it appears. The most fascinating and entertaining commercials are those that tell an ongoing story. I am amazed that the writers can tell a story in the 90 seconds allotted to a commercial. Of course, modern advertising is more sophisticated because of motivational research as well as the new technical capabilities that have been invented as television has evolved. And here is an irony. In the early days of television, content or substance was much better than now. But the technical aspects of television were primitive. Now the technical aspects are vastly improved, but the quality of TV content has declined, except for the commercials. 

Of my favorite commercials over the years, one dates back to the late1960s and 70s. But the other two are current.. They are all examples of the commercial as an ongoing story.

In the 1960s Falstaff Beer was advertised by “The Falstaff Cowboys,” two characters named Gabe and Walker. Gabe was the happy-go-lucky one who sometimes played tricks on his buddy. Walker was the serious straight man, played by an actor named Sam Elliott. The amazing thing about this commercial is that it led to movie stardom for Sam Elliott, whom many people believe was the best cowboy ever, better than Gene Autry and Roy Rogers, better even than John Wayne. 

I would agree with that estimate. I am an admirer of John Wayne, but it seemed to me that he was too neat and clean, too well dressed, and too ready to escort the new school marm to the big dance. Elliott always looked as if he really lived the cowboy life. In appearance, he sometimes looked as unkempt as Willie Nelson, and he embodied the loneliness that was a big part of the cowboy’s life. The new school marm would not have given him a second thought unless he communicated by notes tied to tumble weeds.

 I read that Falstaff wanted to add another cowboy character named Colorado. When someone asked why he was called Colorado, the answer given was because he had never been in Colorado. See what I mean by imagination. Although I never used Falstaff’s product, I enjoyed the advertising.

Another commercial that I really enjoy is the current “Messin’ with Sasquatch” story used to pitch beef jerky. This commercial has so many interesting aspects that it risks being too good. By that I mean that I tend to forget what product is being advertised. 

The Sasquatch character is first of all, believable. If there really is a Sasquatch, then I think he would look like the one in the commercial.

Also, this Sasquatch is the quintessential epitome of “The Other.” He is a lonely outsider. There is no mention of another Sasquatch, and that is central to the commercial. All he wants to do is to join in on the fun the young people are having. His situation also connects with the old folk tales in America of the city slicker and the country bumpkin. Always in those tales, the city slicker successfully tricks the bumpkin. I like the Sasquatch stories because Sasquatch, truly and literally a country bumpkin, gets the better of the smug, sophisticated, so-called civilized young people.

In my favorite Sasquatch story, a group of young people are gathered around the camp fire having fun. They spot the Sasquatch watching them and invite him to join them. He is offered a chair and urged to sit down. As he is sitting down, a young woman slips a whoopie cushion under him. Everyone laughs at the sound when he sits on the cushion. It is a big joke. Angered at being tricked, the Sasquatch backs up to the fire and expels a blast of flatus so powerful it almost smothers the fire. 

Again, I have never used the product, beef jerky, but I enjoy the commercials and look forward to the next story. And in America we cheer for the underdog. We want to see Pee Wee Herman, against all odds, defeat the loud braggart Hulk Hogan. The Sasquatch has the size to be a bully, but he really doesn’t want to hurt anyone. Left to himself, he would never be a problem for anyone. When the tricksters “mess” with him they get their comeuppance. It’s retributive justice in a TV commercial. 

Another current commercial I really enjoy is the Captain Morgan story. I don’t use the product, but I admire the pro-social slogan: “Raise your glass—always in moderation.” In liquor ads these days, Captain Morgan stands alone in advocating moderation.. Some people would argue that the slogan is merely a nod to the responsible use of alcohol. I am not so sure about that because advertising works in mysterious ways. Perhaps the repeated use of the slogan may bring about moderation. I like it better than the designated driver hoopla that we saw a few years ago. 

There are several good Captain Morgan stories, and each one is full of excitement, bravery, and gallantry. Captain Morgan, like the Sasquatch except he is much more handsome, is an outsider, a good-hearted pirate who goes up against the the stuffy, dull, insufferable establishment. 

In my favorite commercial, we are shown a ballroom filled with the crème de la crème of aristocratic society. The focus is on a beautiful young woman who is dancing with an elderly self-assured aristocrat who will most surely perish of self-inflicted love bites. In addition, he looks as if he might need Cialis or Viagra.. Captain Morgan comes gallantly upon the scene, whisks the young woman away to a party somewhere in the basement, where the people are genuine, companionship is real, and a good time can be had by all.

Another commercial is equally fine, perhaps even better. Captain Morgan and his good friends are partying in a convivial way. A serving girl accidentally drops a dish and breaks it. Immediately there is a hush in the room. Captain Morgan then deliberately breaks his glass, and all of his friends follow his example, thus sparing the maiden from embarrassment. You just don’t find gallantry like that in today’s world. We need more of it.

Another Captain Morgan commercial that I like features a prisoner in a cell, his hair gray and his clothing in rags You can tell he has been there a long time. Suddenly one wall implodes and he looks out to see Captain Morgan below, driving a horse and cart and urging him to jump for the cart. The two are pursued by castle guards, and Morgan and his horse and cart and the prisoner make this fantastic jump, a la Evil Kneivel, and flee to the safety of the ship. 

The disgusted look on the face of the captain of the guards is priceless. But the story isn’t over. The poor released prisoner is hauled aboard ship, but before he can give thanks or drink a libation to celebrate his freedom, his mates rip open his tattered shirt, and there is a treasure map tattooed on his back.

In this story Captain Morgan is still the dashing hero, but his motives in rescuing the prisoner seem not so noble. He wants the treasure map. The story, however, is primarily about Morgan’s daring adventure in going up against formidable opponents. The cannon ball breaches the wall, but one man carries out the bold rescue of the forlorn prisoner.

Captain Morgan represents the dream that many young men have had and still have. They dream about sailing the seven seas, traveling to the four corners of the world, and doing battle against formidable adversaries. Some dream of searching for the Holy Grail, the fountain of youth, and the elixir of life. And, of course, some dream of being admired by pulchritudinous young women.

TV is supposed to be entertaining, but I don’t find the present programs worth watching. I certainly do not enjoy what is called “Reality TV.” It is a contradiction in terms, like saving big money at Menards. The commercials, mainly those in the form of ongoing stories, are where the real entertainment is. Writers of modern-day TV commercials are amazing in their creativity. I take off my hat to them. What imagination! What skill! They have reduced the short story to become an art form that is short and truly entertaining.