Dear Harlan,

Your advice generally is pretty good, but sometimes you blow it. I’ve noticed that when someone calls you out on poor advice, you insist that you are right and add a little dig at your critic as well. Such was the case with your response to “S.,” who disagreed with your advice to the student who was wary of having a college roommate who smokes pot. You opened your response by mocking the writer’s use of the term “burnout.” Then you gave a weak defense for pot-smoking and ended by claiming that your suggestion is the “best” thing to do. Since the smoker made it clear to his prospective roommate that he uses pot long before school starts, he was letting the kid know what he was facing. This would allow the non-pot-smoking student to request a change of roommate well in advance, which is much simpler than reporting his roommate to the school authorities once they are living together. “S.” was right. If a person doesn’t want to live with someone who engages in illegal behavior, then he shouldn’t. Harlan, only once have I ever read a response from you to a critic in which you admitted you were wrong. Take a tip from Dear Abby. When she’s wrong, she readily admits it, often adding a mea culpa. She’s respected for that, and you might benefit from her example.

K.S.

Dear K.S.,

I’m wrong ALL the time. I have no problem admitting it – that’s why I’m still married. Sometimes I’m wrong when it comes to my kids, too. I apologize to them ALL the time. I model imperfection and humility. I don’t have a problem with being wrong. I have a problem being misunderstood. Writing this column leaves a lot of room for misunderstanding, and this is one of those situations. In fact, I actually called the person who wrote me this letter and shared a much longer answer over the phone. Most people would say to run from the situation and find a new roommate. But it’s very possible he could end up with a rude, stealing, loud, cigarette-smoking, drug-dealing or sneaky roommate. He could have a drunk roommate, naked roommate or a roommate whose boyfriend or girlfriend never leaves the apartment. I’ve met them all. This roommate is an honest guy who spoke the truth about his marijuana smoking – this is not a nightmare situation. The pot-smoking roommate was open, honest and respectful enough to disclose this information. He did everything someone who wants to get along should do. The person at fault is the person who is not sharing his feelings. The sober roommate should make his feelings clear and see if the marijuana-smoking roommate can respect boundaries. Marijuana-smoking roommates who want to get along will get high in other places and respect boundaries. I look at this situation as a low-risk exercise in sharing the truth. Given the changing marijuana laws, this may be something he will deal with again outside of college life. This is a great exercise in telling the truth. Besides, there’s no guarantee the next roommate will be any better. A roommate who drinks, lies, cheats, steals and hides the truth can be a bigger nightmare. A marijuana-smoking roommate who wants to get along isn’t

someone to run from. Again, I have no problem admitting when I’m wrong, but in this situation, I’m sticking to my convictions. Abby would respect that, right?

***

Harlan is author of “Getting Naked: Five Steps to Finding the Love of Your Life (While Fully Clothed and Totally Sober)” (St. Martin’s Press). Write Harlan at Harlan@helpmeharlan.com or visit online: www.helpmeharlan.com. All letters submitted become property of the author. Send paper to Help Me, Harlan!, 2720 Dundee Road, Suite 226, Northbrook, IL 60062.

(c) Harlan Cohen 2017

Distributed by King Features Syndicate Inc.

–HELP ME, HARLAN! Harlan, you blew it — pot-smoking advice stinks–