Help Me, Harlan 

Dear Harlan,

I’m a first-year college student who has been on campus for four weeks. I feel like people are socializing so much more than me. I have so much homework that I don’t ever have the time. How do I balance schoolwork and socializing? I see friends on Snapchat and Instagram who are having a better time than me. I feel like I’m doing something wrong. Is this a normal feeling? 

Failing Socially

Dear Failing,

Everyone’s life always looks better through an Instagram filter. This is the problem with living in a “headline culture.” And it’s not just a college thing. We all feel it. Life in the age of Facebook, Instagram, Snapchat and streaming news about people’s personal lives distorts the truth. There are two realities: There is the one you see on social media, and then there is the one people actually are living. The one on social media is filled with the best angles, happiest moments and amazing times without you. There are victories, hugs, kisses, cars, homes, trips, life moments and a little tragedy and humility sprinkled within. You are getting the highlights without the rest of the story. Do not let this world shape your reality. It’s NOT real. The only thing you know is what you know about your life. And I can promise you with 100 percent certainty that what you are feeling is the norm.  Two-thirds of first-year college students admit to feeling lonely, and a third of all students feel so depressed that it’s hard to get their schoolwork done. Read “Madison Holleran’s Friends Share Their Unfiltered Life Stories” on ESPN.com, and you’ll see first-hand accounts of how headlines and reality don’t align. One of Madison’s friends shared a picture of herself smiling with a friend, which is captioned “Although I look like I’m great, everything is falling apart.” The pictures DO NOT tell the story. Studying too much is a good thing. You’re doing it right. Once you figure out how to establish regular study habits, then you can find more balance. Congrats — you are more normal than you possibly can imagine. It’s just not part of the headline culture.

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Dear Harlan,

What do you think of women making the first move? I’m surrounded by shy men who are too scared to talk to me. Can I make the first move and still maintain my ladylike ways? Please help.

First Move

Dear First Move,

Men love women who make the first move. Women love women who make the first move. People who don’t identify with either gender love when a woman makes the first move. We all love it. Now, don’t be confused between making a first move and getting naked before dessert. Making the first move means making it clear that you’re interested. It simply removes the fear of rejection (the thing that shy people fear the most). It’s giving someone a clear path to ask you on a date. What he does next is up to him. Making the first move can be swiping right on Tinder, texting first, asking someone to be your Facebook friend, initiating a conversation, asking about someone’s love life or getting set up on a date. A woman who makes the first move is someone who doesn’t wait for life to happen to her. A man who doesn’t like a woman who makes the first move is a man who isn’t interested in dating a strong woman who knows what she wants and isn’t afraid to go after it.

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Harlan is author of “Getting Naked: Five Steps to Finding the Love of Your Life (While Fully Clothed and Totally Sober)” (St. Martin’s Press). Write Harlan at harlan(at)helpmeharlan.com or visit online: www.helpmeharlan.com. All letters submitted become property of the author. Send paper to Help Me, Harlan!, 3501 N. Southport Ave., Suite 226, Chicago, IL 60657.

© Harlan Cohen 2016

Distributed by King Features Syndicate Inc.