Dear Harlan,

How do you get rid of haters? How do you handle people who don’t like your writing or advice? I’m a musician and hate when people attack me or my work. I know I’m supposed to just overlook the haters, but after a while their criticism gets to me. How do I get over them and not stop creating?

Hating the Haters

Dear Hating the Haters,

It’s awful when people tell me the painful truth. It hurts when people don’t like me or my work. Anyone who tells you they don’t care is a liar. I don’t love haters, but I do appreciate them – at least, the right type of haters. There are three types of haters you will encounter: Haters who want to like you, haters who used to like you and haters who hate everyone and everything. It’s all about determining what type of haters you’re dealing with. Haters who want to like you or used to like you can offer constructive feedback. Haters who love to hate others are a waste of your time. When someone hates you, thank the person and find out why he or she hates what they hate. If the person is mean and hostile, it’s a hater who loves to hate. Move on. If the hater offers you feedback, process it. Ask yourself if the feedback is valid. Turn to the people in your corner to help you process the information. This is where it’s crucial to have advisers, mentors and people you respect in your corner. Once you process the information, decide to make changes or move forward. Learn from the haters who want to like you or used to love you, and ignore the rest.

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Dear Harlan,

I’m an atheist, and my girlfriend is Catholic. We have been dating for a little under two years. I’m 24 and she’s 25. When we started dating, we discussed our faiths and expectations. We made it clear that we would never pressure each other to follow one belief system or the other. She recently had to deal with some family issues, and has been spending more time going to church and getting involved in her religious studies. I went to church with her a couple times to support her, but I’m not comfortable going as much as she would like me to go. I was raised religious and have a personal problem with organized religion. I’m being pressured to do something I don’t want to do. I’m not sure how to continue this relationship or if I should end it. I feel like she’s changing our agreement. She says she just wants me to be there for her, even if I don’t agree with the religious parts. What do you think?

Not Going

Dear Not Going,

Something made you run from religion. This stage in your relationship is making you face it. The past hasn’t been a problem until your girlfriend forced you to sit in a church and face it. If you want to explore what happened and how to get more comfortable with the past, this is the

time. If you don’t, then the relationship is going to end. What’s happening now is a preview of the rest of your life. Expect family events, holidays and more Sunday services. Before you decide what to do, have a conversation with her spiritual leader. Come prepared to talk about why you struggle being in a house of worship. It’s better that you figure this out now than in 10 years in the future with a home, family and years of memories.

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Harlan is the author of “Getting Naked: Five Steps to Finding the Love of Your Life (While Fully Clothed and Totally Sober)” (St. Martin’s Press). Write Harlan at harlan(at)helpmeharlan.com or visit online: www.helpmeharlan.com. All letters submitted become property of the author. Send paper to Help Me, Harlan!, 3501 N. Southport Ave., Suite 226, Chicago, IL 60657.

© Harlan Cohen 2017

Distributed by King Features Syndicate Inc.