Dear Harlan,

I just graduated from high school and have plans to go to college in the fall. My mom recently was diagnosed with cancer. It’s treatable, so she likely will improve. She and my dad are no longer together. I have a little brother, who will be in eighth grade next year. My mom is insistent that she will be OK and that I must go on my college journey. I know it will be a difficult year for her, and I’m even more worried about my brother. He doesn’t have a lot of people in his life other than my mom and me. I do want to go to college, but I start thinking about the next year at home. I feel like I’m abandoning her when she needs me the most, and my brother, too. What should I do?

Sad

Dear Sad,

Two words: This sucks. On top of all the huge changes in front of you, your rock of a mom is sick. Listen to your mom — take care of yourself first. Yes, you can be there for her, but you also need to take care of yourself. If you’re not in a place of strength, it’s going to be hard for you to be strong for everyone else. If your mom needs you, trust that she’ll tell you. Stay close to your brother. Be his rock. With video chats, texting, social networks and cellphones, your brother can find you and lean on you. He also can help you gauge how your mom is doing. Plan to visit home more frequently, and find support at school. Connect with a therapist through the counseling office, and find a support group for family members. This way you can understand what your mom is going through and know how to support her. Yes, it’s scary, but take comfort in knowing that there are millions of cancer survivors.

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Dear Harlan,

I found out that my younger sister is drinking. I’m 18 years old, and she is 16. One of my friends saw her at a party drinking beer and acting stupid. My sister lied about sleeping over at her friend’s house, and went to the party. My sister and I are social opposites, and we haven’t been getting along lately. She thinks I need to have more fun and loosen up, but I’m happy with my friends and social life. My question is, because she isn’t listening to me, should I tell my parents? I want to be a good sister, but I also think she shouldn’t lie and sneak around. I’m torn.

Torn Big Sister

Dear Big Sister,

Forget the past. Tell her that you love her and care about her. Then tell her what you heard. Don’t make this about what she did wrong or busting her; make it about what you heard and about her staying safe — regardless of the choices. Tell her that you know people experiment. Ask her if she has rules — rules will keep her safe —and set boundaries. Here are some examples of rules: Always have a sober friend with you (to watch and help you); drive only with

100 percent sober people; never hook up with anyone while drunk (friends are the most common perpetrators of assault); never let someone pour or get you a drink (it’s easy to slip in pills); never post on social media while out (the photos live forever); no walking alone at night; and everyone who comes together leaves together. If she doesn’t have rules, doesn’t want to listen or is in danger, talk to your parents.

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Harlan is author of “Getting Naked: Five Steps to Finding the Love of Your Life (While Fully Clothed and Totally Sober)” (St. Martin’s Press). Write Harlan at harlan(at)helpmeharlan.com or visit online: www.helpmeharlan.com. All letters submitted become property of the author. Send paper to Help Me, Harlan!, 3501 N. Southport Ave., Suite 226, Chicago, IL 60657.

© Harlan Cohen 2017

Distributed by King Features Syndicate Inc.

–HELP ME, HARLAN! Mom doesn’t want her cancer to stop daughter from living her dream–