Paul Sassone

Men don’t understand women.

More: Men CAN’T understand women.

Hence the commercials for Feminine Products that boast the product was made for and by women.

I will not dispute this contention that men cannot understand women’s problems because that would only prove it.

But I respectfully ask: What about Men’s Problems?

If men can’t understand women’s problems, it stands to reason that women can’t understand men’s problems.

Take shaving.

Women will never know the agony of staggering into the bathroom every single post-puberty day and, while almost asleep, dragging a sharp shard of metal across your throat. One slip … A guy could get killed.

I needn’t continue. Men understand. Women never will.

Because shaving is fraught with peril it is imperative men have a dependable razor. A dependable razor for men must, of course, be invented by a man.

I asked about this in the drug department at the grocery store: Excuse me. Do you know if these razors were invented by a man?

The clerk, being a woman, couldn’t understand the question.

So, I actually called the company that makes these razors. You know it. It begins with G and used to sponsor boxing on TV.

A woman answered.

I hung up.

I guess I’ll just assume my razors are made by men. At least until the day I see a commercial that begins: “Fred, why the bandage on your throat?”

“I severed my jugular the other morning with that damn razor. Must’ve been made by a woman.”

“You better switch to my brand, Fred. It’s made by a man and is the razor John Wayne would use, if he weren’t dead.”

–Understanding men’s perilous shaving regimen–