by Loren Logsdon

Around the end of the 19th century, there was a beautiful young coed named Zephyr McCurdy who was the belle of the Heliotrope University campus. Many male students dreamed of winning her heart and sharing a life of connubial bliss with her. All their dreams were in vain because Zephyr had given herself to a lad who attended Upperville University, a prestigious private school in the Windy City. His name was Farnsworth DuPont. He was the son of wealthy parents who were the crème de la crème of high society. Actually Farnsworth and Zephyr were practically married. All that was lacking was the formal announcement and the ceremony itself.

One male student on the Heliotrope campus, a senior named Roscoe Kindhart, was determined to steal Zephyr away from Farnsworth   He learned that Farnsworth was coming on the train to spend the weekend visiting Zephyr. Under the guise of friendship, Roscoe approached Zephyr and told her that Farnsworth could stay at his fraternity house that weekend. Roscoe wanted a chance to study his rival and devise a plan to defeat him. Unaware of Roscoe’s true intentions, Zephyr rewarded his kindness with a sisterly kiss on the cheek.

Now the Beta Alpha Delta fraternity house at that time was located south of campus on the other side of the Bide A Wee Memory Gardens. To go to and from the campus, the BAD men would take a shortcut through the Bide A Wee. These were the days before there were any automobiles. The culture of the campus was much different then. The three main questions male students had were “Who are the easiest professors?” “Where can I tie my horse?” and “Where is the nearest tavern?”  Fortunately students have changed since then.

When Farnsworth DuPont arrived in Weeder’s Clump, Zephyr met him at the station and told him she had secured lodging for him. At dinner she introduced Farnsworth and Roscoe, who glad-handed the unsuspecting Upperville lad with that “hail-fellow-well-met” air of college men in those days.

Roscoe had a couple of BAD pledges carry Farnsworth’s suitcases and show him the way through the Bide A Wee to the fraternity house. Farnsworth felt that he was really being given the royal treatment because all the men at the house welcomed him as if he were a brother. They seemed almost too friendly.

Farnsworth and Zephyr enjoyed each other’s company the following day. That night was the big all school fall dance at Heliotrope, and Zephyr was eager to show off her Knight in Shining Armor to the campus community.

Roscoe suffered through the dance, eating his heart out because he believed he should be the one dancing with Zephyr, fussing over her, and whispering sweet nothings in her ear.

With a heavy heart, Roscoe left the dance around midnight and headed back to the fraternity. The night was dark, but he had made the trip through the cemetery so often that he didn’t need any light. What he didn’t know was that the caretaker had dug a fresh grave and left it uncovered. Roscoe was going along singing “Don’t You Remember Sweet Alice, Ben Bolt?” when he fell into the empty grave.

Miraculously, Roscoe did not suffer any injuries, just had the wind knocked out of him. .He wasn’t alarmed in the least. He would climb out and be on his way. But the grave was too deep, and he couldn’t get out no matter how hard he tried. He shouted and shouted, but since it was late at night no one heard his cries. Not to worry, he would huddle in a corner of the grave and wait until daylight.  So he made himself as comfortable as one can in those circumstances. In fact, Roscoe even dozed off, dreaming of Zephyr and a houseful of healthy, happy children.

About an hour later, along came Farnsworth DuPont, who was whistling the “Garry Owen” to keep any evil spirits at bay.  He fell into the grave, unaware that it was occupied, and tried to climb out. Always the helpful one, Roscoe said, “You’ll never make it.”

Roscoe was dead wrong. Fear gave Farnsworth the superhuman strength to leap out of the grave and race to the fraternity house, where he packed his bags and left, without a farewell to Zephyr or a word to anyone. Doubtless he reached Peoria by morning, but Zephyr never heard from him again. One person knew the reason for Farnsworth’s sudden departure, but he wasn’t talking.

Zephyr probably would have died of a broken heart; college women often did in those days. But Roscoe Kindhart was “there for her,” as today’s college students would put it. Roscoe and Zephyr were married the following June, the day of their graduation.